when the whole mix of emotions come rushing over you and your heart beats so fast...when you cant seem to settle down and your mood just take for a plunge...its not that you dont want to believe..its just that believing seems so....hard at such a point of time. thousands of thoughts are running through my head now. 'what if....what if....' stop it clarice. stop thinking. i really want to believe..i really do. but daddy, im really quite faithless to believe right now. it came too fast, my mind couldnt process it. my heart couldnt stop beating so fast and my face feels really hot.

and i just want to hide under my bed and cry.


abba, give me the strength to control my emotions and patience to wait, because for now..i really feel like its hopeless..the one thing im trusting You for..the one thing that is close to my heart..i do NOT accept this. amen.


how im feeling now: ): x10000000000000000000000000