when the whole mix of emotions come rushing over you and your heart beats so fast...when you cant seem to settle down and your mood just take for a plunge...its not that you dont want to believe..its just that believing seems so....hard at such a point of time. thousands of thoughts are running through my head now. 'what if....what if....' stop it clarice. stop thinking. i really want to believe..i really do. but daddy, im really quite faithless to believe right now. it came too fast, my mind couldnt process it. my heart couldnt stop beating so fast and my face feels really hot.

and i just want to hide under my bed and cry.


abba, give me the strength to control my emotions and patience to wait, because for now..i really feel like its hopeless..the one thing im trusting You for..the one thing that is close to my heart..i do NOT accept this. amen.


how im feeling now: ): x10000000000000000000000000

i'm currently at work and its so boring because i have no flights until much later..i realised that this has been happening to me quite often when i work. i know its cool to just slack and get paid. but..this is like woahhhhh. haha okayz. whateverz.

soooo i hope everyone's having a good week thus far. (:

thank you abba for the friends you've put around me. the fellowship that we share is awesome. i just wanna thank you for that. really... for each and everyone of my friends........

okay this is getting so random and out of point. rahhhhhhhhh :/

awesome praise and worship.
awesome anointing.
awesome sermon.

I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I
no more.

slowly but surely. i know He will teach me and He has already begun. long before i was even born.

here's the pictures from botanic gardens! (: celebrated qi's birthday on tuesday with the girls! it was definitely awesomeee! i love the picnic, the laughter, fun and joy that we all had! i tell you its crazy when all of us are together with our own unique characters. HA HA. :D dessert at cold rock was cool too! lets have a F&F day soon cuz im missing you girls alrdy! (: love each and everyone of you to bits and pieces <3





















well, i think the pictures says it all. hope you've enjoyed yourself qi! (:

one of my FAVOURITEST picture of all time:


pleasant surprises...i could make do with more of them (: even if its not concerning me sometimes..i just like how things fall into place. you wouldnt know and i dont think you'll ever know but i hope and pray that if its meant to be, it would eventually be.

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i wouldnt deny that ill feel worried and scared sometimes when i think about it. its worrying and scary when you have no news about anything at all and you're kept in suspense all the way. its even more worrying when you hear about others. it just makes you feel like you're not going to get it and you're like doomed? BUT i know the word You've been teaching me and daddy, i ASK that you give me your grace and strength to get through this. in times of situations like this, it just exposes all my weaknesses and show me how much i fall short of everything. but daddy, i know that You still havent given up on me because it is not I, but the grace of God. amen. thank you abba for that.

You would never ask me why...My heart is so disguised

clarice, you're sucha contradictor yourself most of the times..tsktsk...

i think my sleeping timings are seriously messed up. im sleeping at like 3am plus every night and waking up at around 12 in the afternoon. :/

soooooo i havent been updating about my work for quite some time. hmmm...i would say its pretty good (despite the low wage and crazy working hours). huizhi said she's proud of me for sticking to my job for so long. i think so too actually...its just not very me to stick to this job for so long you know? anyways, ONE of the things that im very amazed is that...the aunties NEVER stop quarreling. they never seem to run out of things to quarrel about. but actually i think thats how they work together. so one thing i've learnt from this is - never choose to work in a workplace filled with ALL ladies...ha ha okay im just kidding...but i know each and everyone of them has their own story to tell......totally different backgrounds.

i guess i have learnt a lot from them. although sometimes i really think they're super naggy and irritating, my heart still goes out to each and everyone of them. yeap! (:

shall blog more about what i've learnt from working next time! hohoho! :/

air supply - goodbye.

i think it happened that day when you pulled me back......
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today was sucha awesome day spent with my favorite sa people. will blog more when i have all the pictures! (:

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patience my young lady...
today was different. although i still felt a little impatient, it was better than the other times whereby i'd just feel sad immediately. i had to remind myself constantly of course. but i saw Him smiling at me today. for the past five months He's been showing me that particular word and i've failed so many times with regards to that particular word. but He never failed to guide me along and tell me that its okay and ill feel silly immediately after that. (that's why i say i'd rather have Him as my teacher. He's the MOST patient teacher with me) Today, He smiled at me and say, 'I'm very proud of you.'. that made me smile too.

woah, my history teacher just added me on facebook. O.O

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i keep having this feeling that i totally wont fit in with my future *EL**O*P (if i really do get into the course i want) dont ask me why. i also dont know why. the thought of it makes me wanna be anti-social and just sit in a corner and sulk the whole day. and it really doesnt help when suddenly they keep appearing before you. -SULKS-

---------------------------------

aiyah, dont think so much first lah.

ilikegreen. indeed. no, i love green. but i dislike vegetables.

i like the fact that You want ALL of us to play a part in it and not only some of us. i like the fact that You want us to give so that You can give us so much more. i like the fact that You're the most patient person towards me while i was being the most impatient person towards You. there's no other teacher i'd rather have beside You. You're not only my Savior and my teacher, You're really my everything. MOST of all, i like the fact that it's not because of the qualities that i possess or my background, nor is it what they have in them, but really it's simply just because You love me and your favor is on ME. i like the fact that its just so simple and nothing else. thankYou abba. (:

thank You for the friends that You've put around me. each and everyone of them has taught me something and i know that its not by chance that You put them in my life. i really appreciate each and everyone of them. thank You very much daddy.

blessed week ahead everybody! (:

never could i imagine...

you know how they say things happen when you least expect it? i totally understood what that meant today.

i've always wanted to see how you look like in real person, close up. but never would i have thought that it would be today, at that particular place, that particular time. i mean of ALL places either of us could have been..you were just sitting beside me. and i was really shocked. too shocked as a matter of fact..i took a while to actually process my brain. i thought i would feel bitter and upset and all the sad memories would come back. but it didnt. i was just shocked. thats it. i thought i would feel emo all over again, but i didnt. i didnt feel anything anymore. and it actually makes me feel...happy. i really think there's gonna be something better than that. i'm just really really glad i'm over it. (and if you want to know who i saw, ASK ME. i know you want to know. and i dont think you can guess who i met)

Definitely, Maybe with the other two partners was really cool! turning to the one sitting in the middle to ask about the movie when actually she couldnt figure out either, changing from beef noodles to ban mian, sitting by the pool/pond (whichever), having heart to heart talks, laughing ourselves silly, moving on to macs cuz of itchy hands, hitting one another and doing the hand signs throughout the whole walk to the mrt station. it was definitely fun. (not maybe) (:

arrow laterz! be seeing the cg and the lovelies! yay! goodnight and God bless! (:

sa = <3

hanging out with my favorite sa people in this whole world is one of the BEST ways i wanna spend my day (: more to come next week! (:

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what would be your definition of meaningful? i used to think that i'll be the happiest girl on Earth if we're together. but now i realized, i actually would be the saddest girl if that happens because i could never live up to what you think is good, be it for you or for me. and all i could do is try, but it would never have make me happy. so i'm glad i'm over it.

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'and frankly, at the end of de day, a guy who doesn't value u doesn't know what he's doing.. U must have that attitude seriously.. =) You're a princess! Not some ordinary girl yea. =)'

we all should believe in that (:

ask...

today is the best day out of this whole week (:

met up with bestie for lunch and its been a longggggg time since we met up. so it was really good to see her! we went to three foodcourts before i finally found BEEF NOODLES. gosh, the other two foodcourts didnt have like beef noodles..and i thought normally foodcourt sell beef noodles you know? yeap then we bought ice cream and went to look for jo and the rest of the peopleee at macs..and the non-studying people (serene, me, brian, matthias, joel, eugene and bobby) ended up playing UNO which was like really funnnnnn. :D

sermon today was really good..its been quite some time since i felt the way i felt today..and really, the only thing that i want now is to know His love for me and Himself personally all over again. after service was dinner with jo, weiling, jg, lanz and nicholas. this time round, i want to eat prawn noodles and then the person told me they RAN OUT of noodles! like seriouslyyyyy..had a great dinner with them and we spent most of the time laughing about everything..haaa headed for the train station after that (did some shopping along the way) and i wanted to go to the restroom but GUESS WHAT, the toilet is under construction and i was like OMGZXZXZ.

but yeah today's really great. thank you abba for that. sometimes its the simple things in life that can make you the happiest. i think i know what that means. goodnight and God bless! (:

guardian angel.

'Yesterday you can't alter, but your reaction to yesterday you can. The past you cannot change, but your response to your past you can.'.

these words just popped out and spoke to me when i took a random book on jg's house table (while playing board games) and just flipped it to a random page. it seems as though this sentence carries a meaning deeper than what it seems to say to me. hmm...and i cant seem to stop thinking about it until i finally understand what it means...to me.

RESTLESSNESS. what an apt word indeed. totally just nailed my heart.

BUT thank You that You didnt give up on me. really...and thank You for coach and the people whom You have placed in my life for this season.

today's board games session at jg's house was really fun! (: im really liking to play mafia more and more! enjoyed the company to the max! :D

and sis is coming back in THREE days time! weeeeeeeeeeee! God bless!

you've got a friend.

When youre down and troubled
And you need a helping hand
And nothing, whoa nothing is going right.
Close your eyes and think of me
And soon I will be there
To brighten up even your darkest nights.

You just call out my name,
And you know whereever I am
Ill come running, oh yeah baby
To see you again.
Winter, spring, summer, or fall,
All you have to do is call
And Ill be there, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Youve got a friend.

If the sky above you
Should turn dark and full of clouds
And that old north wind should begin to blow
Keep your head together and call my name out loud
And soon I will be knocking upon your door.
You just call out my name and you know where ever I am
Ill come running to see you again.
Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you got to do is call
And Ill be there, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hey, aint it good to know that youve got a friend?
People can be so cold.
Theyll hurt you and desert you.
Well theyll take your soul if you let them.
Oh yeah, but dont you let them.

You just call out my name and you know wherever I am
Ill come running to see you again.
Oh babe, dont you know that,
Winter spring summer or fall,
Hey now, all youve got to do is call.
Lord, Ill be there, yes I will.
Youve got a friend.
Youve got a friend.
Aint it good to know youve got a friend.
Aint it good to know youve got a friend.

somehow, i feel that You're singing this song to me..i know i may be stubborn at times (or rather most of the times), denying the things which You've shown me just because i refuse to believe and just open my heart to it. But I ask that You'll teach me. i choose to run away because im afraid. but im seriously quite tired of running away.

anyway, huizhi's at taiwan now! so not used to her not being around me right here...but i hope you're having a great time now sis! (:

i miss my classmates very very much!

guardian angels.

have a very blessed week ahead people! (:

randomrandomrandomrandom.

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One day, the Dad said to the child, 'Go for it and take that which you've always wanted sweetheart.'. The child reached forward and just as the child was going to grab hold of what she wanted, she started feeling scared. Why? Why was she feeling frightened when what she wanted was so close to her. 'If only i could just move my hand a little closer and grab it...' she thought to herself. What exactly was stopping her from making that move? She did not know. Perhaps she felt that all these was too good to be true. Perhaps she didn't believe that it was meant for her. Perhaps she... She pulled back her hand and began to shiver as she was being swallowed up in her own thoughts.

What she didn't realized was, while all these were happening, her Dad was just beside her, watching her every movement and knowing her every thought. Yet, she was too caught up in her own thoughts to notice it.

'Why does it hurts Dad? Why? All along I've been searching for it and when I found what I've been trusting you for, I didn't have the courage to believe You would see me through. I'm such a coward Dad...' The girl started crying like a three year old kid, feeling stupid for giving up in so many occasions.

HE hugged her and felt her every pain. There was no need for words. Just His presence alone suffice.

If only you would believe that it was all paid for by Me and it's all rightfully yours...
---------------------------------

Even as she wrote this down, tears were rolling down her cheeks.

untitled.

weekends are here! (:

night out with huizhi, serene and vic was fun! we should have more outings like that! hopefully next time cia will be able to join us! (:

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'if i keep thinking about you, does that mean that i really like you?' the child asked the Dad.

sometimes i really wish that i knew the answer. but then again, would i be able to take it? or maybe i'll just break down once again, like i used to. i dont think im ready for that. then give me the strength and patience and control my feelings. dont let it control me. honestly, i've never had the faith to really believe. but thank You that its not by my faith which wavers all the time, but its by Your faith in me which never waver.

even at times where i've given up on myself, You have never given up on me. thank you for that abba. (:

Bittersweet Endings...

i used to wonder how bittersweet feeling feels like, cause its like bitter yet sweet at the same time? but i guess today i know from the movie Becoming Jane. its really a...bittersweet ending. i wonder if next time i'll name my son after you. :/ anyways, with KT (i still think it sounds really funny hahaha) around, everything feels so.........coke light. :p

well, last week was one of the best weeks ever since a long time because i get to meet everybody! thurs was spent meeting up with gracia, huizhi and serene for dinner! food was awesome, ambience was awesome but the company was the most awesome (: ill send you three the photos online! thurs was spent meeting up with ping and dawnieeee for dinner at ASTON and then nicky joined us for ice cream at ice cream chef. and i MISS them SO SO much..gosh feels so good to sit down and catch up with one another..hoho nicky says we should have a healthy day out to like east coast park or something the next time we meet up.. yes yes? :D met up with shaik on sat for dessert!

and sunday was churchday! it was really good cause pastor said that God told him that some of us actually came in the nick of time for service because that worry or something was going to prosper and we know who we are..and immediately i knew that i was one of them. throughout the past whole week, i've been thinking about something which is quite impossible for me to get an answer and my heart was really gripped with fear and it made me feel really distant from God..but i just felt something changed after service and though i wouldnt deny the fact that i sometimes still feel scared, i know that He will give me a revelation about it to change my mindset. yeap and the talk with charles was really good! it really opened up my eyes to some stuff which i've never seen or thought about.

YESTERDAY, i went for smu interview. i wont talk about the content cause if you want to know, ask me! (: but the professors are like one of the friendliest people around and they are like so approachable and nice! the journey there alone was scary and nervous though. :/ thank God He was always there for me. met up with bobo for lunch after that before heading off to work feeling very tired cause my energy were almost drained from the interview. hurhur.

well, blessed week to everyone and God bless!

note to Dad: Dad, i feel really honoured. that despite the fact that i really am nothing, you saw something out of me. that they would look for me. i really have nothing to offer in and out of myself. and sometimes i dont even know why i pop into their minds. but whatever it is, that love has never vanished no matter what, no matter how often i tried to deny or hide it. i dont believe that its by chance. i just know that no matter what, i feel really honoured.